No doubt, divorce is a painful process, both emotionally and financially, but I firmly believe it’s also one of life’s biggest learning experiences.

dating the divorced-72

As I told my friend this story she said, 'Why don't men say I just wanna get laid'?

We all know it is coming so it is pretty confusing that we don't just say 'Hey I am really attracted to you and I want to get naked and roll around with you'.

But yet when it comes to the dating dance we struggle around the 'let's have sex' moment.

Walking in my clients’ shoes has given me a deeper understanding of what the divorce experience really feels like.

I was telling a friend of mine about something that happened to me recently. But it is a pretty big part of the post-divorce dating experience. Believe it or not women might actually like the honesty.

I was pretty sure a guy was hitting on me but not 100% positive. We text each other after the deed is done and say " I just got laid'. While they may not jump in bed, the teenage dance around sex will be quashed.

He told me about how he broke up with a woman recently because she wanted to get serious and he wasn't ready to get serious. I have a lot of single friends who do want a relationship but also really want to have sex on a consistent basis.

Then he looked me dead in the eye and added 'unless of course the right woman came along'. Clearly this man was saying to me, 'If you are up for it we can have sex and then maybe if you are the right woman, we can continue having sex for a long time'. While traditional norms assign the woman to the position of pushing off sex, this all seems to change once a woman has gone through a divorce. As my boyfriend said to me, 'We are all adults here'. We are adults, We have been through marriage and kids. So why not say on the date, 'I really like you and I want to see you again but I also really want to get you naked and have some sexy time with you'. Yes, we may be looking for a long term commitment but initially we are looking for sex.

They call it separated even though they live in the same house, still shag and the wife and she’s expecting lucky child number 3. Here are a few things to ask / consider before dating the divorced as we can’t always assume that it is all in the past but we don’t want to jump to conclusions about their emotional state either right?

Well, make a few, just to err on the side of caution 1) Don’t ask them why they got divorced. But you asking for a reason forces them to make sweeping statements like “She wanted children” or “The bitch was cheating with my best friend” when really we all know that it is NEVER ever the woman’s fault entirely. My bad 2) If they still clench their jaw or grit their teeth when talking about their ex it’s time to move on.

Unless you love a whole lot of angry sex then stick around but rebound / therapy sex is exhausting if only for the circular pillow talk alone.