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Laura Brashier with her cats Sunny, left, and Jenny at her Rancho Santa Margarita home. But during their whole time together, she dreaded finding a way to tell him her secret. It invites users to input details about themselves, look for others with similar interests, and be found by them.The animal lover is looking for someone to share her life with. Laura Brashier with her cats Sunny, left, and Jenny at her Rancho Santa Margarita home. How do you tell someone who might be The One that there's no possibility of going all the way? Brashier, a hair stylist from Rancho Santa Margarita, has started a dating website for people in her situation -- people who are physically unable to have sexual intercourse or just want to abstain from it, whether it's because of an illness or injury or religious reasons. In other words, it's just like any other dating site. "A lot of people have resigned themselves to being alone," Brashier said.
She was living in Laguna Beach at the time, in a little house with a fireplace, and she'd just curl up with a blanket in front of the fire and sleep. "It was the closest you can come to dying," she said.
She's only 5-foot-2, and she practically disappeared, going from about 116 pounds to 90.
Gradually, the treatments worked, and she recovered.
But it took years before it dawned on her that she probably would never have sexual intercourse again. "I'd say, no, no, no." She thinks a lot of people out there must be in the same boat -- veterans returning from war with permanent injuries, say.
Other visitors to the site might just want someone to go to the movies with or a dinner party.
"Once you take sex out of it, people are still looking for companionship," she said."It's about finding someone to share your sacred space with, to have someone in your life where it's you against the world." Take a step inside her condo and you see what Brashier (pronounced "brah-SHAY") means when she says stuff like "sacred space." It's cluttered yet cozy, filled with warm, dark colors and antique-looking picture frames and vintage furnishings, including an auburn lamp with black feathers. Brashier's relentless optimism and spunk served her when during the darkest time of her life, beginning in 1998 when she was diagnosed with Stage 4 cervical cancer at age 37.She underwent a brutal combination of chemotherapy and radiation that left her so tired she couldn't walk or speak. The exes were great, came over to help, but luckily, her mother came to live with her to take care of her day to day.The radiation had left so much scar tissue inside her vagina that it wouldn't comfortably accommodate a penis. Men and women, afraid to admit the truth to others or even themselves in a society where sex is all around.Docs gave her a "dilator" (think marital aid), but it burns and stings so much she's given up. When she finally told a girlfriend over lunch a couple years ago, it dawned on her that no site existed for this specific group.She'd like the site to help liberate these people, living in silent shame and agony, much as gays did before they gained the confidence and security to come out.